Smart Cars Are Stupid

In the past month I have seen about a dozen Smart Cars zipping around the Denver Metro. While they look like little death traps next to the SUV's that still dominate the roadways, I thought that maybe the Smart Car would be perfect for someone worried about conservation and economy. But upon further investigation I was disappointed to find the Smart Car is neither a thrifty buy nor is it particularly impressive when it comes to conservation.


With new Smart Cars in the US selling for over $13,000 starting price, you are getting no real bargain when you can buy a new Corolla for about $2,000 more and actually own what has historically been the best compact ever made. Then there is the fuel economy of the smart car 33 mpg city and 41 mpg highway. Sure that mileage is fantastic if you are bumping up from the 11 miles per gallon you were getting driving your suburban around town, but compared to the Geo Metro's achievement of 38 mpg city and 45 mpg highway for nowhere near the equivalent of a $13,000 price tag back in the 1990's it really is not that impressive. The aforementioned Corolla boasts 27 mpg city and 35 mpg highway, which is a far cry from the Smart Car, but you can actually comfortably fit 4 people in the car with trunk space to boot.

For such a small vehicle, I would have hoped that modern engineering would allow the smart car to do more than simply match the highway gas mileage of a hybrid such as the Prius with its 48 mpg city and 45 mpg highway. The Smart Car came to America thanks to an investment by DaimlerChrysler. Why is it that when it comes to new car technologies American companies are more about gimmicks than they are actual progress in conservation and lessening the dependence on foreign oil? The first major hybrids for Ford and Chevrolet were the Ford Escape SUV and the hybrid Chevy Tahoe. You have to be fricken kidding me. You take the most heinous gas guzzlers on the road and develop them to the point of mediocrity. Meanwhile Japanese car makers took vehicles that were already more efficient and more reliable and were the first to market with hybrid vehicles in the US. It is not anti-American for me to say that Ford deserves to be getting its ass kicked. They would rather lobby to prevent higher fuel efficiency standards than to just build their future through progressive thought. Henry Ford should be turning in his grave.

The good news is that Smart Car is developing some really interesting new electric cars and hybrids. They will be very expensive when they hit market, but with some more staggering mpg's maybe then I will be impressed. For now the Smart Car is just a trendy overpriced micro-car and disappointment comes standard.

Public Indecency

For as long as there have been boobs there seems to have been public intrigue and outrage regarding female breasts, and yes the double entendre of boob meaning breast and boob meaning stupid person was intended. Did you think that seeing 90% of Janet Jackson's bared breast was outrageous? Well then you are a boob. It was only one breast and the nipple was covered by a star shaped nipple shield. You see more breast a thousand times over during a good day at water world or a bad night at a skanky dance club, and in those circumstances it is all socially acceptable because the nipple is not exposed. But the Janet Jackson nippleless "Nipplegate" controversy of 2004 can hardly compare to topic that has always freaked out men, breastfeeding.

Today the American people are outraged at the startling news that pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears breast feeding have made their way into the public. The reports are that this has triggered a federal child pornography investigation, because Jamie Lynn is only 17-years-old. Now I know that American men are finally coping with their male impotency problem as is evidenced by the constant barrage of Cialis and Viagra ads spamming the NFL football lineup, but men still appear to be on an Oedipus complex induced hangover dating back as far as the legend itself, which would probably be about the 5th century BC. Believe it or not guys, childhood nursing is not a sexual act, nursing in public is not indecent exposure, and while the release pictures of Jamie Lynn's bared breast during nursing may be a gross invasion of her privacy, it is no way child pornography.

So all you stodgy old perverts and gray haired judges who get so uncomfortable when you see breastfeeding in public, because seeing a bared breast makes you feel like you are being violated or that you are being forced to be a voyeur who cannot help but fantasize over exposed boob, get over it and do not project some conservative agenda on our whole society just because you are insecure. In most cases breastfeeding is the healthiest method to nurish an infant or young child. As a society we must stop oppressing breastfeeding women and start promoting this practice for the sake of our nations youth. Jamie Lynn Spears should be commended for choosing to breast feed, especially after the horrific example of parenting put on by her sister Britney who fed her infant sons junk food. When they catch the Wal-Mart employee who stole the photos he should be punished for invasion of privacy, but stop with all of the child pornography craziness already. Breastfeeding is not only NOT pornography, there is nothing indecent about the act whatsoever. The ludicrous oppression of healthful child rearing in America is the true public indecency.

Reporting With Class

Sarah Palin should not be the next Vice President of the United States, but it is not because she is soon to be the grandmother of her unwed high-school-aged daughters child. This is far from the first time that reporters and the people of this country have struggled to decide if the family members of public figures are public figures themselves. The answer to this question is that Britol Palin's personal life is off limits for any type of personal attack against Sarah Palin or her family.

In 2004, I discovered an article written by Sue O'Brien that addressed a similar situation concerning the daughter of then CU Buff head coach Bill McCartney. Unto Bill's daughter Kristyn was born a child fathered by none other than Colorado star quarterback Sal Aunese. As if this story was not juicy enough, Sal was dying of cancer. With a real life soap opera on their hands the Denver media sat on the story, as far as i can tell, out of sheer journalistic integrity. Eventually, the story came out and at Sal's memorial service McCartney made a public statement worthy of publication. I commend the journalists that decided the story was inappropriate for instant publication. There example should live on in instances such as the Britol Palin story of this week.

As for Sarah Palin, anyone who would sink low enough to decide their vote on the pregnancy of her daughter is clearly too stupid to realize she is running on the platform of being "hockey mom," who supports the war in Iraq as God's plan, and is prepared to drill oil from the ends of the earth no matter the environmental impact.

Buffs Pass the Rams

Since 1998, the first year CU played CSU at Mile High Stadium, the Buffs and the Rams have faced off ten times. Seven of those match-ups were decided by a touchdown or less. The Buffs were only 6-4 during that time period after seeing days gone by when the Buffs dominated for entire decades. Needless to say, it was high time the Buffs returned to dominance with their first double digit victory, 38-17, since 2001 when they rolled 41-14.

My prediction of a 34-21 Buffalo victory was fairly accurate and Ralphie V ran with power and perfection, which made that prediction completely accurate. Cody Hawkins impressed, particularly with his sharp out routes, and the running back core for CU looked strong with Darrell Scott having a solid debut going for nearly five yards per carry and a touchdown.

CSU fought hard, but just ran out of gas in the second half. Billy Farris and his offenisive line will have better days when they get to play the smaller defensive lines of non-BCS conference teams. Gartrell Johnson III, aka "Predator" by the fan behind me at the game, was impressive going for almost 8 yards per carry, but he seemed under utilized as the Buffs had a much easier time stopping the Rams when he did not touch the ball. I wish Steve Fairchild the best during the remainder of his first season at the helm, and whether the Buffs have really returned to dominance of this rivalry can only be determined if CSU gets a few years to rebuild the program and the pissing match between the CU and CSU athletic departments get resolved to extend the match-up in years to come.